what worked & didn’t in 2023

yes, I know we’re almost 3 weeks into the year.

It’s January 19th. I sit on the couch, my sleeping daughter strapped to my chest while my son talks to himself in his high chair, eating grapes and a “classic” sandwich—a concoction of my husband’s that combines peanut butter and apple butter. It’s bizarre, but our son is obsessed.

Snow is falling softly outside, and that is why I sit on my own couch instead of my mother’s. By the looks of it, we’ve gotten two inches, maybe three, but in true Northern Virginia form, that means everything that was on the calendar for today and tomorrow has been cancelled or rescheduled—the birthday party for my son’s friend, my six week postpartum appointment, and the open gym time at the church.

A snapshot of the snow from our family walk.

I sip my reheated hot chocolate—the one that went cold when my daughter decided she wanted to nurse after only two hours, despite a consistent pattern of feeding every three hours for the last few weeks. While nursing her, my son tried to put his Duplo blocks away, but struggled to get the box on the shelf and dropped it, spilling the Duplos everywhere. A meltdown ensued until I could aid him in safely tucking the box on the shelf.

The mug containing my hot chocolate says “these are the days.” They certainly are.

Though we’re almost three weeks into the new year, and I’ve been craving routine since the last week in December, I’ve yet to really settle into one. I’m still getting laundry done and keeping the house tidied up, but since I spend most of my son’s nap times snuggled up on the couch with my daughter watching season after season of MasterChef, not much else is getting done.

There are three boxes stacked in the corner by the bookshelves. One contains the Christmas ornaments I managed to remove from our tree earlier this week. That’s about as far as I got. The wreath is still hanging on the front door, the nativity still sits on top of the bookshelves, and the tree is still dropping pine needles on the floor. Oh, and about half of our Christmas cards are still waiting for addresses and stamps.

Based on this, it’s no surprise I’m just getting around to sharing what everyone else did three weeks ago—thoughts on the last year, specifically what did and didn’t work.

You may be totally over any kind of new year reflections at this point (if so, no hard feelings), but if, like me, you’re easing into this year, maybe you’re still reflecting yourself.

Acknowledging what did and didn’t work in a recent season is one of my favorite reflection practices. I love reading those same reflections from others and hopefully you feel the same… even if it is coming three weeks later than most everyone else’s. I blame the sleeping six-week-old on my chest. 😉

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What Worked

(Almost) daily walks. I don’t remember when this actually started, likely whenever the weather decided to warm up, but at some point in the year, I got serious about daily walks. After breakfast finished and laundry was in the washer, I’d put my son in the stroller and we’d take a walk into the historic town we live near. Once the light started lasting longer, we often repeated this with my husband after dinner or our son’s nap. I fell off a bit near the end of the year (#becausecold), but it was so good for my body, my mental health, and all the things to be out in the fresh air and walking regularly.

Knocking out big projects. At the start of the year, I made a list of a bunch of projects I wanted to get done now that I was no longer working full-time. These ranged from finishing up different rooms in our condo to organizing all our paper files and, the biggest of them all… tackling our photo backlog. I’d like to say I completed them all 100%, but even though a few of them still have a couple lingering tasks, it felt so good to knock so many of them off my list.

Date night swaps. My brother and sister-in-law live about five minutes away from us, and sometime last year they suggested we begin a date night swap. Every other week, they watch our son and we get to actually go out on a date, and the opposite weeks, we watch their girls so they can do the same. Because we got married three weeks before the pandemic shut everything down, date nights out had been pretty rare in our marriage until this started, and it has been so good! There really is a difference between getting takeout and eating dinner after the kid goes down for date night and actually leaving our home and doing something out. 10/10, would definitely recommend if you can find someone to swap with.

(Officially) leaving social media. I say officially because I stepped away from Instagram for the first six months of 2022, but ultimately didn’t make the decision to actually step away completely until the end of the year. I can say without reservation that it’s been great for my anxiety and overall mental health, and I have no intention of ever returning. I’m still figuring out the best way to stay up to date with the lives of those I care about (in particular those who aren’t local), but that challenge is 100% worth dealing with for the positives of being away from social media.

Reading more books. I’ll spare you the details, but after reading 100 books back in 2016, I’ve basically been in a perpetual reading slump. I’d occasionally get into a good groove, then fall off again. Needless to say, as an avid reader, this was quite frustrating. I decided to kick 2023 off with a reread of a fun series and wound up reading more books than I had in the last five years. It felt so good and I’m definitely hoping it continues in 2024!

Biweekly Panera days. After I stopped working full-time, my mother-in-law graciously continued watching my son every other Monday. I spent most of these days at the Panera nearby, doing whatever the heck I wanted or needed to on a particular day. Sometimes it was writing, sometimes it was reading, sometimes it was those aforementioned big projects. It was wonderful knowing I’d have dedicated alone time to work on those things that are difficult to get done in the margins every other week. With the arrival of our daughter, I’m sad to let this one go, but it was definitely something that worked great while I had it.

Regular reflection & planning. Every month, my husband would watch our son so I could get out for a few hours to reflect on the previous month and plan for the one ahead. This has always been such a life-giving practice for me, and it definitely continued to be the case in 2023.

Daily journaling. I’ve been an avid journaled since 1999, but in 2015, I asked myself a question: could I journal every day for a year? I tried it, and it worked. So I decided to try it again in 2016. And in 2017. At a certain point, it became a competition with myself to see how long I could keep it going, and now, nine years later, it’s a habit so ingrained into my day, it wouldn’t feel complete without it.

Joining a women’s Bible study. Every year, the women’s ministry at my church hosts multiple weekly Bible studies. Technically, I joined one in fall 2022, when I stopped working full-time, but it continued into 2023. I joined another study this past fall and it’s been wonderful. Even on the weeks I didn’t get all the homework done, it was always such an encouragement to gather with other women, dig into the Word, and share what the Lord has been teaching us.

What Didn’t

Too many projects. Yes, I said knocking out big projects worked in 2023. And it did… but it also didn’t. While I am really glad to have so many of those projects done or mostly done, I got a little burnt out by the end of the year. Because most of the projects took longer than I anticipated, and I had so many I wanted to complete, I never really had a break between finishing one project and starting the next. I’d beat myself up and get overwhelmed and frustrated when I wasn’t making progress like I wanted to. This year, I’ll definitely space out any projects I want to complete.

My lunch habits. I jokingly say that, when left to my own devices, I will eat like an unsupervised six-year-old. You laugh, but the number of times I ate Bagel Bites (yes, those Bagel Bites) for lunch last year proves my point. I was pretty terrible about picking up junk like that on the days I was running errands, or running out to get fast food or Cheetos and a slurpee before my son would go down for his nap. On the days I managed to not do that, my lunch usually consisted of a bowl of popcorn and an apple with peanut butter. Clearly, not the healthiest of habits and something I definitely want to change in 2024. (If you have ideas for easy, delicious lunches… hit me up!)

(Lack of) morning routine. Since I became a mom, I haven’t had a consistent morning routine, but it really became apparent in 2023, since I was no longer working full-time. Most days I’d manage to get up at least 30 minutes before my son so I could shower before he woke up, but even that was inconsistent. I’m not a morning person (hence the struggle), which means I really do need some time to myself before dealing with other humans, especially a toddler who is very much a morning person.

Inconsistently practicing Pilates. See aforementioned lack of morning routine. While I would sometimes motivate myself to work out in the afternoon, I know that I’m most consistent with exercise when I get it done first thing. Since I majorly struggled with getting up early enough to do pretty much anything before my son was awake, my time on the mat was way less consistent than I’d like.

Phone boundaries (or lack thereof). Even though I left social media, I definitely spent more time on and with my phone than I would prefer. I would keep my phone nearby so I could keep tabs on time, which often led to me checking it constantly. Near the end of the year, I dumbed my phone down as much as I could (I even figured out how to disable the internet browser) and it’s helped a lot, but my phone use is still greater than I want it to be in the long run.

My reflection practice. Yes, I did say regular reflection and planning worked in 2023. What didn’t work was the actual things I was reflecting on. I used a pre-made tool for most of the year and realized, ultimately, not all of those reflection practices were actual helpful for me. I did a lot of brainstorming in the last few months of the year, trying to determine what reflection practices were actually helpful to me, regardless of what certain tools did or didn’t include. I started to shift my approach in December, so hopefully this will be on the “what worked” list at the end of 2024.

Friendships. I’m sure this is a struggle for a lot of moms, but I definitely felt the loneliness a lot this past year. The area I live in and the church I attend means a lot of my friends live anywhere from 20-40 minutes away… not the most convenient for a play date. As a result, I spent a lot of time at home with my son, which was difficult for this extrovert. Still figuring out how to make friendships work better in 2024.

Those are just a few things that did and didn’t work for me in 2023. Now I want to know… what did and didn’t work for you? We may be nearly three weeks into the year, but tell your girl everything!